Certainly with all that I gone through over the last few month’s, hasn’t really showed any improvements other than the fact that at least I have a roof over my head and food in my belly. But, the heart of the matter is that depression has set in to the point that I wonder if I’ll ever recover to having at least a bit of more resemblance of living instead of existing. I cannot believe t even though I have applied for assistance to get back on on my feet that even today I am still floundering in a sea of mixed emotions and, well maybe not despair, but rather the uncertanties I face yet. I am glad however I can wake up and not worry about having to deal with finding places to go to hang out and having to keep track of what ever I had carried on my back last year would come up missing one day. I had already taken such a huge loss that it’s been really hard to pick up and move on. The deeply rooted cause of all the problems I had over the years had manifested into a sea of unforgiving memories of what I should have done before now.
Would it have made a difference?? The answer is a resounding yes, I know it would have made a difference had I gone on ahead and done what I had wanted to do after all this time. It may be possible to salvage what I can for the next few years maybe but who knows, only I know the answers and am looking to what I can possibly do to ensure that I can have at least some closure yet, soon.