Been too Long….

You know, it’s been too long since I last seen a paycheck, now going into a bad depression again because things have not worked out like it should had. I’m just literally tired and wore out from the constant stress and anxiety that has done nothing but compound the problems I have already. I can’t even walk fifty feet and have an accident from a medical condition I have thats been going on for over a year now.

It’s just finally gotten to the point that I am unhappy with my present situation, I am stuck right where I’m at, can’t get nowhere except on a bike and thats taking a risk in any regard. I’m just desperate for what I need, clothes, food, funds, you name it. This just existing and not living is not my idea of retirement. I don’t even know what’s keeping me going and I’m sure as hell ain’t done nothing to deserve this.

All I know is that my ex-girlfriend did me in and never even bother to take care of my needs back those years ago, it really pisses me off she did what she did and I had to be the one to suffer the results of a bad relationship that costed me everything I owned and lost it all. I am just not sure what I’ll do but I sure as hell can’t get nowhere either with going to a counselor and then having a case worker come by that does absolutely nothing but waste my time and energy.

This whole mess could be changed if people weren’t so damn afraid to even ask if I was ok, or ask if I had needs but I tell you, I guess being too damn proud of myself to even ask for help, or even let somebody know whats really wrong I guess they just shrug it off and say “well sorry”. Suppose I should just get rid of everything and go live in a cave somewhere and not have the things in life I coulda had.

Just really makes me want to just go hide and tell the world to kiss my ass and be done with it.

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